“Keep writing to me,” she whispered, as we hugged our good-byes.
My aunt and her mother used to send letters back and forth, from California to Arizona and back again, for decades, until her mother’s dementia progressed to a point where she could no longer write. After her mother passed, unsure of whether or not my aunt would even want another pen pal, I took a chance and wrote her a letter. Within a week, I received a response. I now have a stack of letters, wrapped in twine, filled with my aunt’s stories of the past and her thoughts on so many subjects. Someday I’ll give this bundle of memories to my cousins. But for now, they are my treasures.
I love writing to my aunt. It’s therapeutic. When our family dog bit Asher’s face, I wrote to her. When I was feeling nervous about plans to put Asher in preschool at the age of two and a half, I wrote to her. When Covid changed everyone’s plans, I wrote to her. She wrote back with advice, understanding, and wisdom.
My aunt is in her mid seventies and does not use the computer or even a cell phone much, for that matter. During lock down (and prior to it), receiving letters from her was such a bright spot for me. A couple of years ago my cousin told me that her memory was failing. But, the stories kept coming. She’s written about vacations she took with my uncle and cousins, family history, news of my uncle’s declining health and his memory loss, motherhood, how her neighborhood is changing, reasons why she hasn’t started an exercise program (which make me smile), and so many more things that make up a life. All written in a voice I’ve always known and loved.
Then in 2021 my uncle, my dad’s brother and her husband of over fifty years, died.
My uncle’s funeral was the first time I had seen my extended family since the 2019 holiday season. (It would be the only time since the start of the pandemic that I would see them until there was a vaccine for children under the age of five in 2022.) My aunt didn’t say much the day of the funeral, understandably so. But afterward her letters kept coming, same as always.
Before this past Christmas my mom told me that my aunt’s memory loss has gotten worse, that she forgets big things, little things, people. And then she remembers. Suddenly. Like when you remember what that thing was that you walked into the kitchen for.
I saw my aunt at our family Christmas gathering. There was an abundance of delicious food, gifts for the kids, and much needed catching up. The day was a long but good one. At the end of it my aunt confided in my mom that she wished my mom would have told her that she remarried after losing my dad. She said she would’ve been happy for my mom. My mom has been married to my step-dad for over twenty years.
“Keep writing to me,” she whispered, as we hugged our good-byes.
When I got home, I got out my favorite stationery and pen, lit a candle, and wrote.
From newlifestyles.com:
Writing stimulates cognitive function and keeps memories alive
The human brain mainly relies on stimulation and exercise to keep it alert, and creative activities such as writing have been known to help in this regard. This is because during the creative process of writing, the patient’s brain is cognitively engaged, involving a part of the brain that may not be used during other routine activities.
As such, writing can greatly improve a person’s mental processing speed, making them sharper and more alert. It can also improve one’s memory of their loved ones and past events. For instance, when a dementia patient has to write about themselves, this can trigger a core memory and enhance remembrance.
More on the art of hand written letters:
I keep my ex-boyfriends in boxes. And not in a murder-y way. In a nostalgic way. I’m fortunate enough to possess a record of my young romantic life in the form of hand written letters, some even sprayed with the cologne only a seventeen year old would find arousing, and boy did I. In those boxes are letters that traveled across states, talking of dreams and plans for futures that were not to be. Passionate words of young love.
When my husband and I bought our home back in 2014, I was this close to tossing my boxes of letters into a recycling bin. My husband stopped me, advising me to keep them, thinking I might enjoy re-reading them in my twilight years. I can picture it now, what a joy it will be. I’m forever grateful for his forethought.
And I’m grateful I was a teenager in a time before texting, FaceTime, and the ability to take photos on one’s phone and send them within seconds. While I do love all of those things and utilize them daily, I have to say that there is an intimacy and romanticism to letter writing that email, texting, and social media will never be able to replace. A letter is something you have physically touched. The warmth of your hands and the warmth of your heart pour onto the paper. Something tangible from your home, your world, travels to make its way into the hands of another human.
Oh, and let’s not forget the longing! The pang of wanting, waiting to receive correspondence. In this world of immediacy, people forget that the longing makes the getting all the more sweet.
And what about letter writing as an art? The definition of art, according to Oxford Languages, is the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power. To my mind, this is exactly what a hand written letter is.
And I’m not just talking about love letters. Letters to friends, letters to loved ones, thank you notes, letters of complaint, rejection notes…it’s all an art. Oftentimes the words just flow so much more freely, honestly, and eloquently when you’re writing than they do when you’re speaking in the moment. I’ve not once walked away after mailing a letter and thought, “Ugh, I wish I would’ve said x,y,z.”
Inspiration
If you still need a little nudge to get into the letter writing mood, I recommend spending some time reading Letters of Note, right here on Substack. These letters will tug at your heart, make you laugh, make you think, and make you want to write!
Until next time!
Yours with ink stained love,
This is a gorgeous piece of writing Jo...I felt warm and fuzzy 🥰 inside..Such a beautiful reminder to us all of how lovely the art of the written word is...I love your dear aunt...keep writing jo 🫶 I agree with your aunt..keep writing 💖(to us all 💖)
What a beautiful reminder, thank you. This was such a moving share of your aunts relationship with you and your letters. I teared up a few times, in the best way. I am so grateful for this piece (and all your substacks of course, but this one especially) in so many ways, I hope you know.
Loads of love to you and yours words.
xoxo